I am asked a lot lately “How do you stay on track? I am kind of on and off again and don’t know what to do to lose these extra pounds, what should I do? I thought a lot about these questions and the answer I have is to go down memory lane and share with you what it was like when I had those same questions not too long ago.
I remember after losing 50 pounds from 238 lbs, I was supposed to be in heaven but I was not. I still didn’t like what I saw in the mirror, I hated laying down on my bed to button my jeans, I hated the workout I had to do to slip into my one size too small Spanx, I hated having to shop at plus size stores. My husband once tried so hard to please me by taking me shopping; he made babysitting arrangements and all, guess what? I hated every moment of it because all the stores except for the department stores like Macy’s and plus size stores didn’t carry anything bigger than a large or size 12.
Meanwhile I gained back 10 lbs. What a disappointment it was for me! All my efforts went down the drain. I stopped going to the gym, I was just embarrassed to be around people who knew me when I was smaller. Meanwhile I had to go to work and face my co-workers. I just put a big smile on my face and pretended that I was doing GREAT!
I don’t know if my husband was trying not to end up in the doghouse but no matter how I looked, he never made me feel any different. He kept telling me to be patient, “you’ll get it.” That wasn’t enough to make me feel better about myself because simply I did not believe in my core that I could shed those pounds.
My friend, we are truly are worst enemy. My progress no matter how small, I was the first one to tear it down. Even if someone told me “You look great”, my answer was “Yeah but I still have a long way to go.” My words, my thoughts, my actions, everything in me was sending the message “you are a failure, you will never make it”, yet I believed by repeating this insanity I was going to reach my weight loss goal let alone any goals in life. Sure enough, my husband didn’t know what else to tell me because he was running out of encouraging words, better yet he couldn’t understand why I was being so hard on myself. Then one day the Aha! Moment came.
My Aha! Moment was that I had no love for myself, I didn’t believe in myself and I said I wanted to do this and that but deep down I didn’t think I deserved it because I was too busy figuring out why any of what I wanted couldn’t happen. The enemy was living with me. The enemy was within. I had one last pity party with a big slice of cheesecake and I caught myself in the mirror eating and that’s when it clicked. I thought to myself “what are you doing? Aren’t you tired of doing the same thing over and over to start your diet over again on Monday?” I got tired of being tired and decided that night to just focus on what I could do today only that would get me closer to my goal.
What got me through was to stay in the present, to believe in what I wanted, to silence the naysayers in my head and to have laser focus. What got me through was to embrace the people around me who cared and to let them know what was going on inside of me and ask for help. What go me through was to stop buying this video, this diet tea, and all the new stuffs on infomercials that I thought would get me motivated “If I buy this… I will stay on track”. What got me through was to keep it simple and to stay consistent with the same thing for at least 6 weeks. What got me through was to see myself as a miracle and that my body was a temple to take care for in order to live my divine purpose. The answer was simple. My motivation was inside me all along, my motivation was the way I thought of and saw myself. Do I deserve what I want or not?
My motivation to you today is to be gentle with yourself and to stop being your worst enemy. Be happy where you are on the way to where you want to be. Stop saying “I’ll be happy when x, y, or z happens.” NO, be happy now with all your extra pounds and patiently work your way to where you see yourself in the future. Every day wake up and focus on what it is that you can do today to get closer to your goal and stick to your diet. You will go to bed proud of yourself knowing that you got one step closer. And if you fall on your way there, at least you fall between the stars. So put down the twinkies, stop starting your diet over “TOMORROW”, get that DVD playing on your TV and do the workout you talked yourself out of doing this morning NOW, plan and pack your meals and most importantly smile because you deserve it.
Until next time spread the love…..